Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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