you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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