Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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