Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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