splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
