found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
