I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize