the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
