White coat. Heels.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
