i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
