she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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