Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
