This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
