I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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