I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
