Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
