When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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