When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
