He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize