So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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