I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
