i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
