holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
