we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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