matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
