They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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