I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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