I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
