Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
