so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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