I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
