i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
