I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pants are for mortals
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
