I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
