Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
