u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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