Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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