butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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