In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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