Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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