she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
