btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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