dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
