i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
