Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
