I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
