By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
