don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
