break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
