Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
