i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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