Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
