have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
