my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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