i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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