garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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