This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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