You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
