If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Text me some of your sweat
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