i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
