I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
