I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
