he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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