remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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